


It's Queer- Very Queer-

by NeverNooitNiet



Category: An Inspector Calls - Priestley
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, F/F, M/M, not gonna lie i think i've got the themes down, this counts as revision right??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-03 01:00:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17274134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverNooitNiet/pseuds/NeverNooitNiet
Summary: While Gerald and the Birlings wait for the real inspector to arrive, Eric and Gerald have a little conversation, and some things come out- in more ways than one.





	It's Queer- Very Queer-

Mr Birling dropped the receiver clumsily, fumbled with the wires, and replaced the phone with a trembling hand. He moved across the room slowly, hopelessly, like a desperate runner at the end of a marathon, and collapsed into his chair, which gave a grating squeal, sending a shiver down Sheila's spine.  
  
An oppressive silence hung over the room- almost a pregnant silence, thought Sheila- and then she was thinking of Eva again, and the baby- oh God, Eric's baby- Eric's.....  
  
She stared at her little brother, gazing at Gerald with an expression of utter heartbreak. Gerald was running her engagement ring through his fingers, over and over, until the sharp gem caused a bead of blood to well up, hot and bright. That same haunted look was reflected in his eyes.  
  
Why did he have to come back, she thought, with that stupid idea- why did he have to think- to try and save face- what did his stupid reputation matter anyway, when Eric- and then Sheila realized something.  
  
Through virtue of their comings and goings, Eric hadn't heard Gerald's confession. And Gerald hadn't heard Eric's. And when Gerald had come back....  
  
_"I stole some money, Gerald, you might as well know..."_  
  
So they didn't know. They didn't know that both of them had had a- well, you couldn't really call it a relationship in Eric's case, but still- they didn't know what the other had done, and there they sat, alone with their guilt.  
  
But then if a real police inspector was to come- and make them go through this horrid business of reliving again- Sheila couldn't bear the thought of it coming out like that.  
  
"Gerald." It came out more sharply that she had intended. "Gerald. Can we talk? In private?" Gerald stared at her with empty eyes.  
  
"What could there possibly be left to say?"  
  
"Just- come. The hall will be fine."  
  
She stood, ignoring the wincing of her chair against the wood, and dragged Gerald out.  
  
"Gerald," she hissed. "Eric doesn't know. About what you did."  
  
Gerald looked as though he was blinking back tears. "I know- my God, I know! And now- that summer- it'll be tainted forever. It's just as well you gave me back the ring, Sheila. Eric will never want to see me again."  
  
It had become somewhat of a joke between the three of them- the summer that Gerald had been too busy to see Sheila. Sheila was perfectly aware that the "thing" he'd been so busy doing was Eric. That was the summer that they'd properly fallen in love, following a clumsy, drunk kiss from Eric at Sheila's birthday party. To Eric's shock and delight, Gerald had kissed him back fiercely, and over the summer, their illicit courtship had developed, grown into something more. The only reason she had gotten engaged to Gerald was to keep up appearances- no-one asked questions about a man visiting his fiancées house, and if people saw Gerald and Eric, they assumed they were discussing business interests- a wedding between her and Gerald would almost certainly result in a merger of Croft & co. and Birling ltd. Not a soul other than Sheila knew the truth.  
  
Sheila didn't mind. She had rather begun to suspect that it wasn't boys she liked like that, anyway. And even if her little brother was a silly drunk she still wanted him to be happy. Gerald had always made him happy. Until this...  
  
"Look, Gerald. When this new inspector comes over, you'll have to go through it all again. It's bound to come out anyhow. Is that how you want Eric to find out? And-" she swallowed a sob. "You ought to know what he did, as well."  
  
Sheila looked at Gerald. He looked exhausted- his hair in disarray, his collar bent out of shape, his eyes red- rimmed and distant.  
  
"All right. I'll tell him."  
  
***  
The two of them stumbled back into the living room. Eric sat across the room from the two elder Birlings, staring sullenly. None of them seemed to have moved since Sheila and Gerald had left, and they still bore an expression of mild shell-shock- or, in Eric's case, abject devastation. Sheila took her seat again, quietly. She'd done her part. Now it was up to Gerald.  
  
Gerald ran his hands through his already dishevelled hair.  
  
"Eric. Um. Could we talk- outside again, if you don't mind?" The words tripped out of his mouth, all the usual well-bred Croft charm gone. Eric had always been able to do that- break down his walls, his stupid airs. But now he just stared up at Gerald with those big dark eyes-  
  
Those eyes, now that Gerald thought about it, were a lot like Daisy's-  
  
And nodded, exposing the pale curve of his throat. It took all of Gerald's willpower to turn away and walk back to the hallway, leaving Eric to follow.  
  
Back to the hallway, back to the dark carpets and coat-hangers. Gerald leant against a wall for support, took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, Eric was right beside him, close enough for Gerald to see the faint freckles on his skin.  
  
Gerald had counted those freckles, once.  
  
Now he wondered if Eric would ever stand this close to him again, or if Gerald would drive him away.  
  
He took a deep breath and began.  
  
"Eric-" but he was cut off by the soft press of Eric's lips against his.  
  
"Shhhh." Eric whispered against his skin. "I don't want to talk right now."  
  
Gerald wished he could relax into the kiss, but all he could think of was Eva, and what he'd done. He pushed Eric away.  
  
"Eric. You need to know. What I did. Before this new inspector arrives. I don't want you to find out like that."  
  
Eric stared at him, dark eyes stormy.  
  
"I stole some money from my father, Gerald. How do you think that'll end for me? They'll arrest me. And even if father decides to bother bailing me out, Sheila broke off your engagement. Who knows when I'll see you again?"  
  
"I-" Gerald felt stupid for not having considered this. "Are things truly that bad between you and your father? I could bail you out, if it came to that."  
  
Eric sighed. "And how would that look? Anyway, I deserve it. You don't know, Gerald- what I've done-"  
  
"Eric," said Gerald firmly. "I need to tell you- look, I had an affair with Eva- Daisy, as I knew her." And there it was- the words hung in between them, Gerald's heart suspended mid-breath as he waited for Eric's response.  
  
Eric let out a sort of stifled half-laugh, half-sob.  
  
"Is that- when?" He got out, finally, staring into Gerald's hopeless eyes. They filled with tears.  
  
"It was- during our summer, Eric."  
  
Eric’s eyes widened.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm sorry! Believe me, you don't know how sorry I am. But what I felt for you, Eric- what I still feel- it scared me. And I wanted- to try and prove to myself that I was normal, I think. I was trying to force myself into liking women- into liking Eva- it was a mistake. I ended it in September, before I left for two weeks on business, you remember. I never did anything like it again. I felt awful- about lying to you, about my lack of feelings for Eva- and now she's dead, and oh, Eric-" Gerald began to cry in earnest now.  
  
But Eric just sighed and said:  
  
"Eva was pregnant when she died."  
  
Gerald jerked back as though he had been hit.  
  
"What? Did I-"  
  
Eric shook his head.  
  
"Not you, Gerald. Me"  
  
" _What_?"  
  
"It was for the same reasons as you, I think. I was drunk, and I hated myself, and I just wanted to be- oh, I can't be angry at you, Gerald, I can't not when I was so much worse- the Inspector said you made her happy, I just used her-" Eric went very quiet. " I think I might have raped her, Gerald, but I honestly don't know. I was too drunk to remember."  
  
A silence fell, sharp and sudden. Eric looked up at Gerald with teary eyes.  
  
"My god, Gerald, what have we done?"  
  
Gerald stared back.  
  
"I can't- I can't hate you Eric. Not more than I hate myself. Not when I've done the same stupid, stupid thing as you. But what have we done? We've killed her, Eric. You killed her. God how could you do that? You're a good person Eric, why did you do that? And you've- you've stolen money-"  
  
Eric let out a harsh, mirthless laugh.  
  
"Is that what you took away from my little story? That I stole some money? I've done a damn lot worse than that, Gerald. Always trying to save face- and with that little story of yours, about it not being real- so desperate not to accept responsibility- God, you're worse than Father. If he's horrible and prejudiced, at least he's honest about it. You even lie to yourself!"  
  
He was almost shouting now, only keeping just quiet enough that the others wouldn't hear them from the hall. Gerald was leaning on the wall for support, face wet with tears.  
  
"I just meant- you're right. You probably will go to jail for this. Sheila's broken off the engagement. Daisy- Eva's dead, and we've- oh, everything's ruined now, Eric, and I don't know if I'll see you again. If we'll even want to see each other again, once this is all over-"  
  
"It'll never be over," said Eric, mournfully. "Eva'll always be dead, won't she? We'll always have done what we've done. What was it that Sheila said earlier? This has changed things, that's it. This has changed things. So maybe this is goodbye. For now. Maybe we'll get to know each other again later on. Maybe we'll forgive each other, even if we can't forgive ourselves."  
  
Gerald let out a sad smile. "So this is goodbye, then."  
  
Eric stepped closer.  
  
"Goodbye."  
  
"Goodbye."  
  
And then they were kissing, a slow, sad kiss, full of regret and guilt and the salty tang of tears. A farewell kiss, beautiful and tragic.  
  
And then Mrs. Birling opened the door and screamed.  
  
***  
  
“The two of you- I can’t believe- the scandal this would cause- this is illegal, you know-“  
  
Mrs Birling paced the dining room angrily.  
  
“Oh God, Eric, how could you? Just when I thought this night couldn’t get any worse- your own sister’s fiancé, Eric!”  
  
“Ex-fiancé,” muttered Sheila.  
  
Mrs Birling whirled around, eyes blazing.  
  
“Is that all you can think of right now? We will be ruined if this comes out, Sheila, ruined!”  
  
“Mother. It’s not going to come out. They’ve been together for over a year now, and not a soul knew but me. They’re very discreet. Usually.” Sheila gave a pointed stare at Eric and Gerald, who stood awkwardly, still half in the corridor, not quite sure what to do with themselves.  
  
At this, Mr Birling had had enough.  
  
“A YEAR? AND YOU KNEW-“  he broke off all of a sudden, all the fight gone from his body. “Oh, damn. Damn it all to hell. You’ve well and truly ruined it, haven’t you? You’ve gone and done the worst possible thing, you selfish little-“  
  
But Gerald stepped forward, his cheeks an angry red.  
  
“Now, hold on just a second, Mr Birling. We may have been stupid, yes, but we are not selfish. You two are selfish, with all your talk of reputation. If you haven’t forgotten, _a girl is dead_ . Surely that’s still the most important thing? I hid and lied and asked Sheila to lie, because I was afraid, but I’m done hiding.”  
  
Mr Birling ignored this outburst and turned to Eric.  
  
“Young man, if you think you’re getting another penny from me after this- unnatural- this- “  
  
Sheila stepped in between them.  
  
“Father. Stop. Look, this night has been about teaching us all a lesson. It’s all coming out tonight, whether we want it to or not. So I had better be honest as well. I didn’t fire Sheila because I was jealous of her, although I did think she was very pretty. I fired her because when I saw her I felt- things- and I didn’t understand, and I was scared. But don’t you dare call Eric unnatural, Father, because I’m just as bad as he is.”  
  
Mrs Birling collapsed into an armchair.  
  
“Both of you- good grief, was I such a terrible mother that both of my children are- are-“  
  
“You were an ungodly mother,” butted in Sheila, “But that has _nothing_ to do with this. Me and Eric and Gerald are who we are, and there is nothing wrong with that. What is wrong, and what you seen to be forgetting, is what we all did to Eva Smith, regardless of our reasoning. What was wrong was the lying and the deceit and the treachery. And that’s why the inspector came tonight, and that’s why another is coming. Because you haven’t learned your lesson- you can’t see that we have to stop putting up these barriers. And that’s why this new inspector’s coming- because we three weren’t honest, and because you two are foolish and blind and refuse to see what’s right in front of you.”

 The room fell silent, and they waited- waited for the new inspector to arrive. To be ripped apart, and maybe- maybe- to be put back together again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> there's no excuse for this i just have a lot of feelings about an inspector calls okay


End file.
